I just do not understand.
I do not get the way people can
be so careless.
Someone please explain to me!
We were at the Child Development Center today
and the woman working behind the counter
saw me walk in with Kate,
did a double take and
asked the question I hear so much that
I am now immune.
"Is she yours?"
I responded politely that
*she*, the child with ears and the ability to hear
was indeed mine.
Then I said sweetly, what would make you question that?
Is it that she so obviously looks different than me?
Is it that she is Asian and I am not?
She has black hair and brown eyes
and I
have brown hair and green eyes?
Skin tone?
Tell me, why couldn't she be mine?
Really, I just nodded and smiled.
The she asked me if my girl was a
"Downy Baby".
Um, what?
What is that?
I replied that I wasn't really sure what that was,
but I knew where she was headed
and I was seething.
I turned away.
Tried not to cry
or
yell.
She was getting uncomfortable with
the pregnant pause
and proceeded to explain that her
brother's baby was a "Downy Baby";
a child with Down's Syndrome.
And then imparted on me that he was
only mildly afflicted, seemingly,
like my child.
And was so clever and funny and
smart.
I was reeling....
who says "Downy Baby"?
Am I wrong to be upset at that "term of endearment"?
I have a few friends with children that have Down's
and I have never heard that.
It felt so derogatory.
Repulsive, truth be told.
And when I left
I was beyond angry.
Firstly, HOW DARE YOU
ask such questions in a place that school age kids
and anyone else with ears can hear.
How dare you pry into my life in such a personal way.
How dare you insinuate that MY daughter is
less than all mine because her blood is not the same
and because she has a first Mama that let me step in
when she no longer could.
I am well aware.
And Kate will be, too, someday.
Today is not that day,
and YOU do not get to choose for us.
HOW DARE YOU!
HOW.DARE.YOU!
Make such an ugly remark based on appearance.
Why is that even remotely appropriate to you?
I get that you were likely trying to see some
kind of common denominator that you thought we shared.
But,
what if I wasn't ready to be in that place?
Or, if we never suspected that there might be an issue and you
just opened a HUGE can of worms.
What if Kate did have Down's and we were learning to adjust?
Does that somehow make it OK for you to announce it?
And really, what if she did?
Why is that important to YOU?
My girl is perfectly made.
She is just as she should be.
And I get defensive about her
because she is MY
daughter.
And I love her just the way she is.
